9 Months of Hell
I created a startup during COVID and it nearly killed me.
15 hour days. 6 days a week. 9 months. I would work on my startup from 7:30am, switch to my day job from 9am-7pm, then restart startup work from 8–10:30pm. Lockdown didn’t help too. Working and sleeping in the same room each day was cabin fever. It got bad at times let’s say. But I shouldn’t complain. I know it’s part of the ‘start-up package’. I like it in a weird way. I like the responsibility, the challenge and the progress you see. But I don’t like the feeling of always knowing I can do more. I find it hard to know when to stop. I don’t doubt how hard I worked. I doubt how smart I worked.
9 months of struggling to connect with friends, family and enjoying everyday things about life. My entire day was centred on getting back to my desk to continue working. My mental health was destroyed. I wanted a therapist but couldn’t afford one. I wanted a girlfriend to talk things through with but didn’t have one. I really needed to talk. To offload how I felt to someone.
1 Daily Habit
I tried meditation which I loved it. But I still felt stressed. I tried walking but that never resolved things, just delayed them. I then read this tweet from Naval. So I looked into journaling, and I stumbled across this brilliant article by Derek Sivers. One line stuck out. “I find the single most useful thing has been using it [a journal] as a place to ask myself questions and answer them.” What the hell does that mean? I remember asking myself. Typical me thinking I know enough. Anyway. I tried it. The next day before I started my work, I loaded up a blank Google doc, searched for a journal prompt, and started writing. I then tried it again, then again. I tried journaling on paper. I tried journaling with voice notes. I even tried journaling my thoughts on walks. But for me, the Google doc worked the best. I could write more, go deeper, highlight, edit, re-write my thoughts, and most importantly read what I wrote later (my handwriting is truly awful). After I finished my questions, I would keep that tab open all day to flick back and remind me of today's purpose. Why and what I’m doing.
Every day I would do this. Asking myself new questions to help reflect and assess what I’m doing. From simple one-liners to thoughtful probes. What my goals are, what I need to change, what things I’m not considering. I eventually found the 5–10 questions that worked for me. These were a mix of classic journal prompts, articles, bloggers and my own imagination. These 5–10 became my go-to.
Instant Results
Even after one week of asking myself daily questions, I could see the benefits. I was more positive, tactical with my time and calculated about my goals. Every time I felt ready for the day ahead. Just from one single self-check-in. On the few workdays I wasn’t able to journal, I really noticed. Those days would spiral out of my control. I lost ownership, both of my time and purpose. 2 months of daily journaling taught me one huge lesson. That is, those 15 minutes before I start work are genuinely priceless. They defined how successful my day would be, both personally and professionally. Those 15 minutes of journaling gave me more clarity and drive about my day than I could have ever imagined.
Why I’m building Offload
3 months down the line. I was in a far better place. Clearer thought, positive attitude, more motivated. But yet, I know there are others out there who are where I was in the middle of 2020, and it’s dark. From new founders, students to literally any employee at any company. We all start the day without asking, what’s in this for me? It’s so, so easy to fall into that trap. Not zooming out of our routine. Either because we don’t feel we have the time, or we don’t know how to. It’s hard to realise that reflection is an opportunity gain, not a cost. It’s hard to know where to start. Not everyone has a therapist, people around them to talk to, or know what questions to ask themselves. All these things make reflection easier. Not having it sucks, and that’s why I made Offload. To give people a place to clear their head. To ask themselves actionable questions. To win their day before it starts.
Thanks for reading –
Tom
Offload is an online journaling community that clears your head with daily questions. You can journal online or go old school with pen and paper.
